Believe it or not you CAN trust a liar. People who lie are pretty consistent. They lie without thinking and it comes natural to them. When they lie to you – it’s not personal. They aren’t thinking about you. Their distorted communication is on auto pilot. Lying is their habit and they do it effortlessly. Honesty is not a conviction that they live by.
How do you trust a liar:
- Trust liars to tell lies. You never have to wonder if they are lying. Why? Because they have proven that they’ll lie about issues & situations when they feel it’s necessary.
- Eliminate any and all expectations of them telling the truth about issues and situations that expose them.
- Extend grace to them. Some may see this as giving them enough rope to hang themselves.
For the record: I despise lying.
I personally believe that honesty, transparency, truthfulness and full disclosure is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. It is vitally important. I have always felt that ‘we have nothing…if we don’t have trust.’ I value loyalty and allegiance above all else. I am learning however that there is a time and place for everything. (Give them the rope.) I am the type of person that if you lie to me once about something critical…you will never have my trust again. I literally mean never…especially in that area. Why? Because I now know what you are capable of and what you’ve shown me by being deceitful is that you value your own interest above my right to be informed. (At that point…I trust you to lie.) Often times I treat the people who have violated my trust the same way I would if they didn’t… but emotionally I am totally and completely unavailable to them. Especially in that area.
For me personally:
I despise lying so much that I’d rather give grace to a situation than be lied to about it. If I know about an issues or situation that hasn’t be disclosed properly, I first evaluate it to determine it’s importance or it’s impact on my life. (Some refer to this a choosing your battles.) Either way, I make a mental note that you can not be trusted. In my silence I become observant. My guard is up and I’m just waiting to see how far you’ll take it. (Giving you the rope.) I never ask lairs’ to answer questions that I think they will lie about. Why? Because if I have a question…my intuition already has the answer.
He who has nothing to hide-hides nothing. Liars have proven that they can trust to tell lies. So when you’ve had enough disassociate yourself from them.